Dear Sleeping Student
Cassidy Pazyniak
Issue date: 2/9/09 Section: With Love
It seems trivial to call what you do a mere skill, when really you're in a class of your own (pun intended). Sure, you ran rampant in the Miami Plan classes - invading the back rows, slouching behind large packs of North Faces or thinking the left side of the room was out of the professor's line of vision. Either way, as I progress in my college career you seem to keep popping your head and closed eyelids out in all my classes, no matter the size. You come in numerous breeds.
First and foremost is "The Head Bobber." If you ever became coherent you would see me - visor on, pencil behind the ear - making bets about whether your forehead will actually fall far enough to smack against the 2-by-2 foot desk. Similar to me, a psychology major, I bet you wonder what you can actually do out in the real world with this. One word: groupie. The lagging economy has rock concerts chock full of empty seats and even though HeadBanger's Ball is MIA - you would dominate.
Next let's examine "The Still Sleeper." I'll give you credit - by not moving we are sometimes fooled into thinking you've died right there at 10 a.m. As soon as my concern subsides, I give a little chuckle and send a "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" your way. If I could somehow hold onto my dignity while creating a "Kama Sutra of the Sleeper" book series, your poses would fill the sticky pages. Whether it's your head resting peacefully on an open palm, your pen posed above the lined paper, your mouth open with a hint of drool on its way down or just a head hung low, pretending to eyeball some unknown object in your lap - you never fail to impress me.
Aside from my awe, I used to envy you. I would check the hands for X's or a wristband, see if there was a water bottle beside you acting as a life support or eyeball your hair checking off either "showered" or "lacks hygiene." If any of the signs were there, I would know that while King's Starbucks coffee kept me company last night, you were busy with Jack, Jim or José.
Whatever breed you are, I know you receive your fair share of criticism. The overachieving Miami student questions why you bother coming to class if you're just going to dream through it. But again, you're one step ahead of us. Got a pop quiz or in-class assignment? No problem. Some kind friend or fed up neighbor will slap you silly awake. And sure, teachers call on you waking you from that peaceful slumber, solely to catch you off guard.
So as Budweiser proclaims: this Buds for you. Keep perfecting your skills, don't let the haters get you down and most importantly - sleep tight.
First and foremost is "The Head Bobber." If you ever became coherent you would see me - visor on, pencil behind the ear - making bets about whether your forehead will actually fall far enough to smack against the 2-by-2 foot desk. Similar to me, a psychology major, I bet you wonder what you can actually do out in the real world with this. One word: groupie. The lagging economy has rock concerts chock full of empty seats and even though HeadBanger's Ball is MIA - you would dominate.
Next let's examine "The Still Sleeper." I'll give you credit - by not moving we are sometimes fooled into thinking you've died right there at 10 a.m. As soon as my concern subsides, I give a little chuckle and send a "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" your way. If I could somehow hold onto my dignity while creating a "Kama Sutra of the Sleeper" book series, your poses would fill the sticky pages. Whether it's your head resting peacefully on an open palm, your pen posed above the lined paper, your mouth open with a hint of drool on its way down or just a head hung low, pretending to eyeball some unknown object in your lap - you never fail to impress me.
Aside from my awe, I used to envy you. I would check the hands for X's or a wristband, see if there was a water bottle beside you acting as a life support or eyeball your hair checking off either "showered" or "lacks hygiene." If any of the signs were there, I would know that while King's Starbucks coffee kept me company last night, you were busy with Jack, Jim or José.
Whatever breed you are, I know you receive your fair share of criticism. The overachieving Miami student questions why you bother coming to class if you're just going to dream through it. But again, you're one step ahead of us. Got a pop quiz or in-class assignment? No problem. Some kind friend or fed up neighbor will slap you silly awake. And sure, teachers call on you waking you from that peaceful slumber, solely to catch you off guard.
So as Budweiser proclaims: this Buds for you. Keep perfecting your skills, don't let the haters get you down and most importantly - sleep tight.
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