Let's Talk About Sex
Amy Wachler
Issue date: 2/9/09 Section: The New Dating Scene
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For weary readers, wait before dismissing this as an over-the-top attempt to delve into the intriguing yet forbidden territory of sex toys and self-arousal. While conversations about vibrators, lubricants and performance enhancers may cause nervous giggling and awkward blushing, the subject really shouldn't be threatening. Sex is always lurking somewhere in everyone's brains, especially young people's. Whether it's brought up during blunt chatter or discussed in hushed whispers, talk about sexual behavior is bound to filter into daily dialogue. Let's face it, we all have needs. Relationships may be the obvious way to satisfy these cravings, but in the world of sexual novelties and pleasure products, you don't always need two to tango.
Shopper's Delight
Jack Luallen, General Manager of Hustler Cincinnati, a sex toy shop in Colerain that offers "a little bit of everything" to its customers and where "every day is Valentines day," says he wants his customers to feel comfortable and open when exploring new methods of arousal and discovering what sparks their sex drive.
"Everyone is different and everyone has different needs," he says. "Your sexuality is almost like a finger print. What one likes, another may not."
The store offers sensual oils, lingerie, videos and DVDs, and Hustler apparel, all available to help customers enhance their sex lives. And while shoppers may feel hesitant during their first visit, Luallen says most people loosen up after a few moments of browsing through the aisles.
"After a few moments of being in the store, attitudes change," he says. "You can just tell by the way someone acts how much attention you need to give them. If they jump, it's easy to tell they feel naughty at what they are doing."
Despite conventional notions, there's hardly a reason for customers to feel ashamed. Based on consumer behavior in his store, Luallen says college students are some of his most relaxed customers. Hustler Cincinnati promotes its products to young people by offering a 15 percent discount to anyone with a college ID.
"The younger generation seems to be OK with what they are doing," he says. "That's good because people need to talk about sex . . . and being open and honest about your sexuality is very important."
Feisty and Frisky and Female... Oh My!
Pure Romance, the nation's fastest growing in-home direct sales company that specializes in sexual enhancement products, sells dozens of quirky toys designed to rev up passion and add some spice to bedroom routines. The company is best known for its in-home parties, where Pure Romance consultants teach and answer questions about products. Customers can pick from dozens of foreplay items, bondage games and performance enhancers - from colorful and sleek vibrators to lubricants that come in flavors like Orgasmic Orange and Succulent Strawberry. Though they offer products for both sexes, (guys can pick from an array of stimulators like the Super Stretch Lips or water-play items), the parties are for women only.
Promotions Director Kim Sheridan says that since the company's founding in 1993, she's seen greater enthusiasm and interest as more and more women embrace fulfilling their sexual desires and fantasies.
Ken Davidson, owner of Millville Video Back Room in Hamilton, has noticed a similar trend at his store over the last decade.
"The consumer buying habits used to be more of a male thing, but in the last 10 years there has been an increasing amount of women that come in," he says. "I think women have come more [into their own], and they are not as bashful. They seem more open with their sexuality."
Sheridan says hosting parties at home creates a more comfortable space for women to open up about their sex lives.
"I think that's part of the advantage of having the in-home parties, as opposed to a store, because they are able to get a lot more breadth of experience."
Sheridan attributes the success of the parties to the well-trained consultants who must pass a sex-education program before becoming certified Pure Romance representatives.
"I think it helps that the consultants are well-spoken and well-versed," she says. "That way, women feel more comfortable asking questions."
Getting Down to Business
In addition to the parties, Pure Romance CEO and founder Patti Brisben created a national college tour series called "The Naked Truth Tour," which introduces Pure Romance products to classrooms and social groups on college campuses nationwide.
The tour aims to debunk societal myths about the adult retail industry and focuses on educating college students about safe sex, sexual health and relationship maintenance. Pure Romance has toured several campuses across the country, including Miami in 2006. The presentations are followed by question and answer sessions that allow students, both male and female, to bring up issues and concerns in a safe environment.
"On a lot of campuses, there really isn't this information out there, and so those myths and misconceptions still exist for a lot of college students," says Brandy Reeves, Pure Romance's Health Education Coordinator. "It's important for us to go in and focus on this topic that students may really want to know about, but don't know who to ask. I think we're helping to fill a niche."
Even though the company typically sells products to women, Reeves says that it's college men who typically raise their hands.
"I think men really don't get this information and so they are often the ones who ask questions at the end," she says.
Sheridan credits the tour with guiding young men and women toward a greater comfort level as they explore their sexuality.
"I think the most important thing is just being comfortable with their own sexuality, and learning what makes them happy … so they can take that into relationships," she says.
From Naughty To Normal
Thanks to shows like "Sex and the City," where characters speak casually about self-pleasure and masturbation, the subject seems less taboo. Nowadays, there's less of a stigma attached to sensual toys.
Luallen says that after an episode in which one of the women on the show, Charlotte, used a rabbit vibrator, demand for similar toys skyrocketed.
"We couldn't keep them on the shelves!" he says.
Miami senior Molly Smith* bought her first vibrator two years ago Uptown at Wildberry. She says at first she felt nervous, but the more she used it, the more comfortable she felt with her own body and talking about sex.
"I was definitely a little embarrassed the first time because it was awkward, but I have bought more since then and I think it's kind of funny now," she says. "Especially because after I bought one I mentioned it to friends, and it turns out a lot of us were using them."
More importantly, Smith says it showed her alternate ways to enjoy sexual feelings without needing a guy around to do the trick. Recognizing that she could fulfill her desires on her own made the matter less taboo and heightened her sense of sexual confidence - something hat serves her well whether she's in a relationship or not.
"I think for a lot of girls, they aren't comfortable talking about it and think it's weird to masturbate," she says. "But I think you have to be comfortable with yourself and talking about sex before you can be comfortable with a significant other."
Tempted to Try?
So before you run squealing in disgust at the thought of personal touch and pleasure, take a moment to rethink your options. How much harm could it bring? Take baby steps - try out massage oil or open Pure Romance's self-help book, "Tickle Your Fancy," to build your appetite. Once you're warmed up, take a stab at getting your groove on with a vibro-pod (that's right, it pulsates to your favorite tunes!) At the very least, you can say you launched 2009 with a, ahem, BANG.
*Source's name is changed for privacy
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